Partially written on an abysmal hell night in the winter of 2013 and finished on a similarly spirit crushing night in 2015, this song covers the key points of dealing with life and all its bullshit when you're on your own for the first time (a re-occurring theme throughout most of the songs on this album). The start of the story is a generic series of unfortunate events that we've all had the displeasure of being a part of at one time or another, so I wont detail them. But the end of the story, and song, came when I was listening to Latterman, RVIVR and Iron Chic. I was at a turning point in my loneliness, stress and depression, when I finally stopped thinking that I was a failure. I had doubted my own independence and ability to exist outside the safety net of my parents house. It all finally came to me while at my corporate robot job, that the world our parents and grandparents grew up in, was not made for people like myself. I struggle, I fail, and I beat myself into the ground because of this economy, because of societies idea of success, responsibility, choice, and the government that is in place, which was not constructed with particular people in mind. I feel I exist in a world not specifically made for me and that I am a fish or lizard that grew legs and learned to breath air, I somehow manage to survive. But I am no longer resentful of societies situation, because I can look back and see the pond that I came from and know that I will find another, and while I'm on my way there I will grow, learn, adapt and survive. I don't believe that I am nothing. I believe I am nothing, yet.
I'm not loosing sleep,
Cause its not something I have.
Tangled up in shit
I just don't understand.
I'm a wreck and I'm green.
And this is all news to me.
Did anybody catch the plates on what
Just ran over me?
Doubt is in my blood
And its got me running cold.
The heavy press on me
from things both new and old.
I thought i got some good advice
but you cant trust footnotes.
You gotta go with what you know
I'm not loosing sleep
Cause I've already been defeated.
From week to week
the same old shit just keeps on repeating.
I've got to learn to live for myself
I've got to believe in.
Stop standing silent
and start fucking screaming.
It's like a picture of a picture
of a forgotten memory.
I cant recall which parts are made up
only that they don't work for me.
You've felt it.
You know that it doesn't fit for us.
You've felt it.
You know the weight.
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